Its hard to describe how I feel I mean I know it all happened so fast and I hurt u without knowing it. Yes you were right when you said I should have realized it but I didn't because I was so comfortable. I know I am to blame and I know I made u hurt, I even know u won't ever let this go. I know u well enough to know that somewhere inside u, u still hate me but are with me because u "feel" like u need me. I know I need u because I love u. I know I hurt even more when I hurt u. God knows how mmuch I think about how I did u wrong. Sometimes I wonder y are u with me. WHY!!!! Damnit just realize u can do better then me. I love u with my body, mind and soul. I know its cliche to say but its true. and thats y it hurts that much more when I do anything to u. I just feel like everytime I'm with u, I'm just going to hurt u. I feel like the person I considered a sister is going to become more distant to me and me to her. I feel like Dirt, trash, crap, and even though I don't show it I still do cry at night. I hate it how u tend to make me feel like crap even after everything and then later u try to make it better. I hate things about u but I never can hate U! I can only hate myself for my stupidity and for my sheer ignorance. U in my eyes are perfection in its making. Sweet, tender, Loving, Embracing, Funny, Beautiful, and just everything else that can make something like me feel again. God know how many times I've been hurt in life. U are the reason I go on. I love u so much it hurts to be away from u. I have been cheated on and well I've had worse done to me and then u came along and just made me feel like Hope and Love still exists. U say u lost a friend and thats a lie. She cares about u and u are just to hard headed to belive it. I lost a sister, and a friend. i pushed her away to show u how much I care, and yet I know u don't care. U blame me for telling the world well guess what U have ur way of venting I have mine. She had guessed what was going on I just established rules and told her. my friends knew cause of someone else. not through me but that other person my post only made them wonder, while the other person spread the word. That day u came to me i felt like my heart, soul, and mind were not only spat on but I also felt like u just left them there on the ground for anyone to take. I turn to u when I need u and u aren't there, yet I love u. I tell u everything and yet u have secrets, I give u things and get nothing, I say I love u and u say other words. I have no one to blame for any of this but myself. I'd keep writing but y when no one is going to read it. I need to vent and let out the emotions that are killing me and ripping me apart at the skin. Please Just know I Truly Love You!!! And I Want To Be With U For The Rest Of My Life. I Can See What Should Be My Future And Guess What Ur In It!!! I'm not sure If I'm in your future, but even if I'm not ur still in mine. Whatever happenes I will always love u and that love will never go away. u are my first true love My first everything. and Even though I seem to act like a love struck puppy I'm not. I'm putting my heart on the line when I'm with u I just hope u don't crush it and destroy me.